guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
