I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So. Much. Porn.
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