so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
