I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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