I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
