the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
