I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
