I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We need to rekindle our bromance
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
