Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
