What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
