you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
