The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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