If i come over, it means nothing
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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