I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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