You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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