You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
