it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
