I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
