I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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