I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
