The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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