I intend to get homeless drunk
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize