I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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