omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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