i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize