I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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