Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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