Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
