I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
