the condom got lost in my hair
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You can't just leave with hair like that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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