We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
