meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
