Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
