All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
