My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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