dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
