omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
