I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
