Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
