My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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