Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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