I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
