He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize