well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
