Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize