she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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