I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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