I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
