I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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