hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
