You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
