Pants 0. Shit 1.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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