is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
