apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
