"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
