I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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