I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize