nutella sex= disaster
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Iโve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesnโt get them female rage will.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
