So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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