When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
