It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
