Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
