so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
