In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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