i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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