conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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