i barfeds in our rink
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
